Thanksgiving is a distinctly American holiday and November is National Adoption Month. Webster County has families who have opened their hearts to adoption and will celebrate special Thanksgivings as a result.
Kelley and Chris Chandler, along with their natural sons, Evan and Bailey, got to introduce their adopted child, Mary Helen, to Thanksgiving in Mantee when they adopted her from China three years ago.
“She is such a happy child and is so much a part of our lives now that we can’t imagine not having her here,” said Kelley.
Their adoption process took about 18 months and ran through New Beginnings in Tupelo. The couple felt led to do it.
“Who, if not us, would reach across the world and love this child who did not know us? Adoption paints an excellent picture of the Gospel in how Christ loved us first. We are so privileged to see this picture so vividly,” Chris said.
Living out their faith, Kelley and Chris agreed to take a child with special needs. From the medical file and photos they received for the first child, they knew they would be dealing with a cleft lip and cleft palette. They had no idea there were other major underlying problems, but they are quick to point out that a natural pregnancy has no guarantees either. They prayed about it and knew she was theirs.
The child had been left on the doorstep of a police station in China when she was approximately 1 day old. She went to an orphanage and two years later met her American parents. She weighed only 14 pounds at the time and couldn’t stand nor walk.
Now, at 5, she is mobile and beautiful with bright eyes, bouncing hair and an energy that brings joy to her family. She is enrolled at the T.K. Martin Center at Mississippi State University to help her deal with her deficiencies.
Brothers Evan and Bailey, 16 and 13 respectively, had to adjust to working the farm for the two weeks that their parents were gone to bring Mary Helen home. And three days after she came home, she had to be hospitalized in Alabama, leaving the boys with grandparents and farm chores for another two weeks. Being homeschooled helped, but the situation has matured them considerably. They are a tightly knit family and the boys show a maturity beyond their years.
Two other families from their church, First Baptist in Mathiston, adopted Chinese children also. In addition to their individual family Thanksgivings, the group meets to celebrate Chinese New Year each year.
Obstacles removed
In 2017, the Mississippi Department of Child Protection Services began work to remove obstacles to timely adoption of eligible children in custody. In state Fiscal Year 2019, 657 adoptions were finalized. That’s almost double the 2016 figure of 373.
Dan Davis, a Tupelo attorney who specializes in adoption, knows the field well. When he was studying law in Iowa, he and his wife learned they could not have children. They began looking into adoption, and the work of New Beginnings in Tupelo and Tupelo Children’s Home caught their eye. When Davis graduated, the couple came to Mississippi, adopted two children, and he became the attorney for the New Beginnings organization.
Davis says the price of adoption can vary from free to $60,000, with factors like crossing state lines and foster care being major considerations. All expenses are reported to the judge, and Davis is nearing the 2,000 mark for adoptions in his practice. His personal experience with the process makes him particularly insightful to families going through the process.
Stelzriede family
“He (Davis) was wonderful to work with,” said Kayse Stelzriede of Cumberland. She and her husband, Michael, had talked about fostering children as far back as when they were dating. They both have personalities that are open, hospitable and work well in controlled chaos. After their sons reached the ages of 9 and 12, they began talking to them about opening their home to foster children.
“We explained that we would be helping children while their parents went through a traumatic time and the boys understood that concept and liked it,” Kayse said.
They worked through a group called 200 Million Flowers, which partnered with Mississippi Department of Human Services, and they were trained as foster care parents and put on the waiting list. DHS now operates the entire program.
They specified that they wanted children aged 6 or under and were unconcerned about race. In July they became foster parents to 5-year-old Ronnie and 7-year-old Gabby, biracial brother and sister. The children had been through four placements by then, including extended family. In October the Stelzriedes were asked to consider adopting the children.
“It was very unusual for things to happen that quickly. We prayed about it and discussed it for a couple of weeks and then we knew our answer was ‘yes,’ Kayse says with a smile.
Uncertainty gone
Bringing two new children into one’s home is a challenge.
“Our lives were upended. We had our routine and our way of parenting and it was completely foreign to Gabby and Ronnie,” Kayse said. “We had a lot of laughs the first night and a lot of cuddles. Gabby became very attached to Owen and loves having big brothers.
“But the first time I took Ronnie to the grocery store with me he had a meltdown because he wanted chips and he didn’t understand that putting them in the shopping cart meant he would get them (that very moment.) Without the help of my sister/neighbor Anna Smith and our church, we couldn’t have gotten through those first few weeks,” she said.
“The children know they are in a new situation, but they don’t know that it’s something for which they will one day be grateful. They’re just kids. They don’t come in saying how much we appreciate you doing this for us; they are just kids who have had a hard time,” explained Kayse.
Ronnie called her Mama immediately, but she knew it didn’t mean “mom” — it meant “woman in charge today.” Gabby took three days or so to call her mama, but now they are closely bound. The uncertainty of the first weeks is long gone.
Ups and downs
Noah and Owen, the Stelzriedes’ sons, were shocked to see children who didn’t immediately respond to instructions and who hadn’t grown up in stable, consistent surroundings. It was a big adjustment all around. Sleep issues, some learning struggles and working out what programs worked best for the children took time. As foster children, Medicaid covers their medical needs until they are 18 and the family receives a small stipend for their care.
“The system wants to encourage adoption, and I think that’s why the stipend is in place,” Kayse said. They also inspect your home and make sure you have adequate room and sleeping arrangements for the children to ensure that they are given an optimal opportunity to succeed.”
Kayse works part time at Springer’s Dry Goods in Maben and operates a home-based business in Cumberland called The Flour Basket, which sells prepared casseroles and side dishes and other goodies.
“Everyone is busy and it’s easier to order something to pick up than to start from scratch when you get home,” she smiles. “It also gives me more time with the children.”
“If anyone is interested in or considering adoption, we would be glad to talk to them,” she said. “The ups and downs are there but you can prepare yourself for them. And there is an overwhelming need for foster families.”
Parker family
Kayla and Jesse Parker of Maben had a 3-year-old biological son but health problems prevented them from conceiving a second child.
They considered adoption — both “open,” where the parent stays in touch with the child, and “closed,” where there is no contact with the birth parents. Through the New Beginnings organization, they were able to connect with a woman who was expecting a child but knew she couldn’t raise it.
Initially, Kayla, who is a nurse, was simply referring the woman to agencies that could provide assistance. She knew it would be a two- to three-year process for her family to adopt a child. But miracles happen, and soon Kayla and Jesse were bringing that same baby home from the hospital to meet his 3-year-old brother, Kaden. It was a shock because things happened so quickly, but Kaden has been a trooper and settled nicely into his role as big brother to Kohen.
Initially they wanted a closed adoption but opted for an open one instead. The mother of the child will be a part of its life as well as the Parkers’.
“It has blessed our family more than we knew was possible,” Kayla says.
“Adoptions are the best part of being a chancery judge,” said Rodney Faver, who was the judge in all three of these cases. “It is a testament to the good people of Webster County that they are so willing to reach out and fold these children into their families. Thanksgiving is an especially appropriate time to think of this.”
